THE LOSER THE PANTS, THE BETTER YOU'LL FEEL

Have you ever thought you were looking good, then saw a reflection of yourself and you actually looked like shit? Damn, you think. I shoulda never looked. I was feeling good until my delusion was shattered by reality. Fuck that! I like fantasy. I’ve always liked fantasy. My head is full of ideas and dreams and fantasy. But how I do I reconcile my love for fantasy with hating delusion and delusional people. Am I delusional? My friends might say I can be from time to time. I’m always dreaming of things I want to become when I grow up. I thought I was looking hot that day until I caught my reflection. My pants weren’t tight so I felt slim and I was feeling good. Aren’t we supposed to feel good about ourselves? Isn’t that the idea? Isn’t that the key to happiness? But what if you’re an idiot and you really are a delusional fuck that’s ruining the planet and destroying society? Maybe they feel good. Maybe they think they are the dogs’ balls and can do no wrong. Shit, I hope that’s not me.  Am I delusional?  Or just day dreaming and feeling good in my lose pants?

I fantasize about all kinds of things. Sometimes I’m a dancer on stage, or sometimes I’m a hero on an airplane that single handedly takes down a group of terrorists and saves the plane from disaster, then gets interviewed by Oprah on TV. Maybe I’m not delusional because I know that’s never going to happen. But how do you distinguish between a fantasy and a delusion? Aren’t we supposed to manifest our dreams by fantasizing about them? What keeps the dreams of becoming a dancer or writer or a famous tennis player from becoming just a delusion or fantasy that will never materialize? I suppose it’s instinctual to know the difference. I saw myself that day and realized it didn’t look like Cindy Crawford walking down the street (at least she’s an age appropriate fantasy). But I felt good and was right in the middle of my solo dance performance on stage, in my head. I may not become a famous dancer at 57, but I feel good as I fly through the air in my head. Maybe it's good practice to fantasize and dream. I always tell young people to fantasize about your future. What does it look like? What roll do you play? It cant hurt, right? The trick is being realistic about the steps to get there. But it all begins with a dream or a fantasy. Or in my case, lose pants.